Reflections... and a few hard truths

When I was in class 10, my sis moved to college in Delhi. I thought that would be the end of the relationship we had shared in Chandigarh because of not just the distance but also the pressures in college. Initially for the first two or three months this seemed to be the case and I felt dejected that I had lost my sister to college. Later however, surprisingly our relationship just got better. She used to call up from Delhi just to talk to me, find out how I ma doing, telling anecdotes from her college, enquiring about my school ,studies etc. I used to love it. Mentally I made up my mind that when I go to college I’ll never lose contact with my family. Just like my sister has, I’ll always be in touch with her.

Today however the scenario seems to have shifted. The last time I went home, my sis was also there. Just in passing she made a comment, “Inse larhai toh tab hogi na jab baat hogi... Main toh baat hi nahin kar paati ab is se.”

This sentence had a deep impact on me. Its true that for the past two or three months I haven’t nbeen talking to my sis at all. Earlier we used to talk everyday and meet almost every week(We are both in Delhi). But now I just don’t find the time to call. And when she calls I reply in monosyllables which ensures that the convo drys up in 2 or 3 mins. She doesn’t say it but I feel it that she misses me and feels bad that I never talk to her. I feel so too but somehow am unable to correct it. Somehow I am so worked up in college life I have no time to sit down in peace and talk to my sister or anyone for that matter. My best friends(when they call) have to talk to the stressed out me, who just cannot make conversation. Eveyone has this same complaint from me that I never talk. And so I analyse,WHY?

I guess I have made myself too engrossed in my college(and hostel). Extra currics seem to be taking a lot of my time. In short I have made myself too busy. But, is it bad? I mean from my perspective, the more busy I am the less time I have to waste. But is just sitting down and ‘maaroing chill’ a time waste. Is it not in part necessary ? When faced with these questions I feel scared, terrified at what I am making myself into. Like the devil who is afraid to be idle??? Like the overworked horse who just breaks down and dies at the crucial time? Like the solitary typical neo-modern person who is completely immersed in the stupid rat race so deeply he can’t even come out???

My thoughts continue, my mind aches, my heart almost breaks... I hear an announcement... “Practice for...”. I shut down my laptop(and my mind) and go... And immerse myself again into that maze of things to do.
Ignorance, after all, is bliss.

(The title is from two posts I read recently from my friends’ blogs. None of those posts were like this. Its just that those titles moved me to contemplate... and the result was this.)