Untitled...
It was all so rosy till yesterday
When I could live and laugh with ease
When I could shower my love on you
When happiness I could feel

Just yesterday when I took her out for a date
Just yesterday when I solved her physics probs
Just yesterday when we had that war of PJs
Just yesterday when you said, “Stop that son”

Just yesterday when my heart used to skip beats
In wait of your call
Just yesterday when I responded with zeal
To the questions of you all

Just yesterday when my heart was complete
Just yesterday when I could sing with feel
Just yesterday when I was sometimes free
Just yesterday when my life was being lived

But today it’s all crass and monotonous
Today no longer can I feel
That same love that same affection
Which once would lift me off my feet

And each and every one of you have said
An I confess I too feel
That there’s something not fully right
There’s something missing... that feel

But somehow I can no longer turn
My carriage onto my own turns
Somehow it’s the force of the wind
That’s driving my cart now

And as I cry and pen down this
My heart cries to you all
Oh friends and lover, oh mum and sis
I still love you... and its you that I most miss.

Give me time to sort this out
Give me the space to fall and rise
So far my life’s been a mess that you always sorted
Now let me do it at least one time

And then I promise I will return
That lively, cheerful, loving one you knew
And return shall our loving ties
And normal life will resume


I don’t think if this can rightly be called a poem. Looks more like a self confession to me. And so it is too. But had I not got it out of me I would have broken down. You see Dumbledore’s pensive was nothing but a storehouse of emotions he wished to fully feel later. And so is my blog. And so like Dumbledore I too pick my feelings stran by strand and put them here... to dwell on them in full sometime soon. Happy reading!

Reflections... and a few hard truths

When I was in class 10, my sis moved to college in Delhi. I thought that would be the end of the relationship we had shared in Chandigarh because of not just the distance but also the pressures in college. Initially for the first two or three months this seemed to be the case and I felt dejected that I had lost my sister to college. Later however, surprisingly our relationship just got better. She used to call up from Delhi just to talk to me, find out how I ma doing, telling anecdotes from her college, enquiring about my school ,studies etc. I used to love it. Mentally I made up my mind that when I go to college I’ll never lose contact with my family. Just like my sister has, I’ll always be in touch with her.

Today however the scenario seems to have shifted. The last time I went home, my sis was also there. Just in passing she made a comment, “Inse larhai toh tab hogi na jab baat hogi... Main toh baat hi nahin kar paati ab is se.”

This sentence had a deep impact on me. Its true that for the past two or three months I haven’t nbeen talking to my sis at all. Earlier we used to talk everyday and meet almost every week(We are both in Delhi). But now I just don’t find the time to call. And when she calls I reply in monosyllables which ensures that the convo drys up in 2 or 3 mins. She doesn’t say it but I feel it that she misses me and feels bad that I never talk to her. I feel so too but somehow am unable to correct it. Somehow I am so worked up in college life I have no time to sit down in peace and talk to my sister or anyone for that matter. My best friends(when they call) have to talk to the stressed out me, who just cannot make conversation. Eveyone has this same complaint from me that I never talk. And so I analyse,WHY?

I guess I have made myself too engrossed in my college(and hostel). Extra currics seem to be taking a lot of my time. In short I have made myself too busy. But, is it bad? I mean from my perspective, the more busy I am the less time I have to waste. But is just sitting down and ‘maaroing chill’ a time waste. Is it not in part necessary ? When faced with these questions I feel scared, terrified at what I am making myself into. Like the devil who is afraid to be idle??? Like the overworked horse who just breaks down and dies at the crucial time? Like the solitary typical neo-modern person who is completely immersed in the stupid rat race so deeply he can’t even come out???

My thoughts continue, my mind aches, my heart almost breaks... I hear an announcement... “Practice for...”. I shut down my laptop(and my mind) and go... And immerse myself again into that maze of things to do.
Ignorance, after all, is bliss.

(The title is from two posts I read recently from my friends’ blogs. None of those posts were like this. Its just that those titles moved me to contemplate... and the result was this.)

An Ode to Friendship... and acting Agony Aunt!!!


Whenever I look back and see
The pain in my neck from turning is reduced
Not by Crocin, not by moov
But always by you

Its been you who has been there to catch
Every bit of me that crumbles
Its been you who’s been ready to comfort
Every bit of me that’s sad

And though like a comedy of errors by Priyadarshan
My life has skipped, kippered and bounced along
Its been you who’s been ready to listen
All the idiosyncracies in my life abound

The first time when I messed it up,
The second time when I almost made it
And the third the fourth and nth time
Until now when I have to some extent succeeded
Yeah its you who I have to thank

And though life’s taken us apart to diff cities
Though today your phone no longer buzzes
Trust me friend my heart still yearns
For those incredible missed calls

Never will I forget those times
Those memorable,loveable days
When the heart was young, the mind innocent
And mom’s phone hip hip hurray

Oh stay with me they will forever
Those times we spent together
And stay with will also forever
Your caring words, your advice and parents’ terror

This poem is a heartfelt vote of thanks to all my friends(they know who they are!! ) who have suffered my incessant dose of relationship FAQs... here’s to you guys...hoping you’ll always be there for my kaands!!! 

Revenge?! :)

Ok. So this post is going to be completely random, arbit and vella.
I haven’t been posting for quite a while now, neither here nor on chaatukand. Thing is my life’s been going sme very major changes at this time(or so I think). No this pot is not gonna tell u about that but about the lessons I have learnt in the past few days.
How many times have you felt the same wrong that you inflicted on someone being inflicted on you? And how many times have you realised it immediately what’s gonna happen? And how many times have you actually not learnt not to do that again??? Confused...
I did something to someone for which I was scorned at and told what I did was wrong(by that person). That person had felt extremely hurt by what I had done. I knew it had been bad for him/her(figure this one out!!!) but felt it had been necessary.


Exactly in the same way someone wronged me. Someone who had the same reasoning for the wrong that I had given when I had done the same thing. And suddenly I felt Deja Vu.


I had tried to teach/tell something to someone through my actions. Yet now I realised that I myself hadn’t learnt what I was trying to propagate. When the same came upon me I responded in exactly the same fashion. And suffered the same way. All while knowing its prolly gonna end up like it actually did. And inspite of my best efforts to not respond in a certain way I did just that. And then suffered.
But then I learnt and corrected my response. This was the only thing different. I got a chance to rectify my response. And I did that.


Today, as I sit down and think I realise why certain things appear coincidental in life. Because life is meant to be a learning experience(what for don’t ask me!). You think you can cope with certain situations yet often you don’t know that you actually can’t. That’s when life interferes and makes you realise(often with a smack across your arse) that buddy this is what it feels like to have been there done that.

The 2 other persons concerned with this post probably don’t even know how much I have learnt through them. Coincidentally while one hates me, the other prolly considers me a pain in the ass. Yet I love them both. Moreso the latter who taught me so much. Hopefully I’ll be able to convince them both to like me at sometime in life. But I guess that’ll be another pair of coincidences!!!

She came into my life like a storm,

And blew me apart

She entered my thoughts without much ado

And soon conquered me completely

With her rich cheer she disarmed me

With her steady humour she weakened me

With her false words she crippled me

And finally dealt the fatal blow

My heart she broke

My life she disshelved

My experiences she enriched

Yet she was ruthless

Sweet and quick to evil

Cute but dangerously beautiful

A charm so deadly you’ll never recover

And a ready excuse

If you’re reading this then listen bitch

You’ve not seen the last of me

Oh you’ve hurt me terribly sweetheart

Now see what I do

No grudges do I bear oh no!

And m not gonna hurt you even

For you I have a lot to thank for

Lessons learnt in life

But that doesn’t guarantee forgiveness

Rather renders debt to be paid

I’ll teach you something too qtpi

Just sit back and see...