Relationship Management... The thing which is responsible for more than half he trouble in this world. It often happens that we are caught in a situation where we want two very important things yet are forced to choose between the two. This is an extremely frustrating time as it is but when this happens in the case of relationships its more than a human can take...
I had been planning to go home last week(24-26jan). But hostel hockey matches forced me to stay back and postpone it to this week. Now again i find my way blocked... this time by the stage play. Or should i call it a fortunate detour??? I do not know. All the tickets had been booked. Packing done. And then at the last moment I was offered the lead in the hostel English Play. With the play scheduled for 7th Feb there was no way the lead could miss weekend practices. And so once again, I was forced to choose... This time it was exceptionally hard as it is my mom's bday today. If all had went well i'd prolly have been boarding the train home with her gift in an hour. But I(on advice of my senior and mentor, J and also the call of my heart(not to forget the contributions of Sabu and Gyaani)) chose to stay on... I dont know whether i made the right decision. As of now i feel so incomplete. So far away from my family. So cut off. J insists(and rightly so) that i cant be tied to my family all the time(He gives the cliched example of how cut off i'll be when i'll be working in Banglore and my parents in Chandigarh... which is true but still i dont want to believe it :( . He further went on to tell how dramatics will help in my overall development. But somehow i am... in a muddle:() but its so hard to sever the relationships you've kept for 18 years. So hard to give second priority to those who have made you their top priority all their lives. so hard to be indifferent to their feelings who had always given everything of theirs to ensure your happiness. It doesnt seem fair to them. As children we leave parents just when they need us the most. Like leeches we suck everything out of them while they educate us, feed us, keep us and mould us into perfect citizens. Then once crafted into masterpieces they'd like to sit back and enjoy we go out of the house never to return as full time residents again. Suddenly our hostels gain more importance than our homes. Suddenly our extra currics become our sole aim and the emotions of the ones left behind are forgotten. Suddenly... we grow up.
I have always wanted to remain a child forever. And i thought i had succeeded... always laughing and smiling. But now i realize that you can fence yourself in the realm of childhood, but you can't fence out the invaders of adulthood...

Tilt!!!

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A reason to live

I looked on her as a child on a device
Unsure of what to expect
For it hadn't been long since i had been bereft
Of a treasure i had long kept

Exactly a month and a day before
My life had been otrn apart
For the winds of time and distance
Had managed to wreck my craft

Pleaded had(been) I and begged also
And asked also to think a while
For we had spent so much love together
And my heart was almost dry

No love to give, too hurt to take
I never expected this joy
Of finding someone of being fulfilled
In such short a span

Yet when i looked on her, yet when she smiled on me
I could do naught but wonder
And gaze at the beauty, and gape at the serenity
Of this angel on Earth

And moved was i to the scenes of joy
That i had long imagined to live
The cascading waterfall. the flowing meadows
The beautiful sunset on a faraway beach

Her hair moved me to the softness of silk
Which flows like the cloth of the Gods themselves
Smooth to touch and sweet to look
As i could do nothing but gape

Her eyes were like emeralds on an intricate cast
With depths deeper than the trenches of the Pacific
And feelings they held and emotions they kept
Of beauty and of wonder and of star gazing

Her face an ornament of rare antique beauty
Innocent and beautiful and cute and sweet
Like Cleo and Joan and Mary and Liz
All immersed in one

And a scent so sweet lasso it threw
Enamoured me and I had no clue
Of what to say of what to do
And i just kept on gaping

And Keats i remembered,Wordsworth came to my mind
And all the romantic laureates who had ever lived
But none could have had the pleasure i wothstood
Of seeing beauty so complete

A thing of beauty which surpasse all else
A solitary lass who void a voice sang
The song of a twinkling and bubbling brook
As it washed the gloom of life

And just as she came she was gone
And her purpose had me deceived
Why did she come, why did i see
If she was to leave

And then i understood the greatness of God
The protector and preserver who all sees
He had made her, he had sent her
So that i could believe

Oh reader of distant thoughts
This what he wanted to say
Be not depressed, immersed in gloom
For love is here to say

No longer was i a parched traveller
No longer troubled by lovely hurts
For he had shown that nspite of all
I could feel love still

It had been a good time,we spent together
And lived our life in love
And though it had ended it had when it did
Given me a reason to love

And now he had sent me an angel in disguise
Who moved my hurt and inflicted a hurt too deep
The pain was a sign of that beautiful truth
That i had a reason to love still

I ne'er saw her since
Ne'er again did she come and fill my life with bliss
But that one gaze, that one smile
gave me the reason to live.

Somehow i always end up titling(Is that a word???) my poem with its last line. I guess its because i always leave the crux till the end... Thats the case with me in life too. Somehow i always say the most important thing at the end... Like a mysterious surprise...
Anyways... won't say much about this poem(Its too close to my heart!). But yes, there was someone who moved me to write this one. In fact the same who is probably most concerned with this poem... (Although the immediate sight was of someone else whoom i will not name for my personal and professional security in IIT. But probably those who have taken up EEL 203 will no of whom I speak!!!)And for the first time in a long time i was at a loss of words. Somehow it wasn't possible to express that beauty in words...Kisi zubaan mein woh lavz hi nahin jinmein tumhe bata sakoon ki kya ho tum.... :)

P.S. By the way keeping to my tradition this one too was conceived in a class. Electromechanics this time. :)

Payment of my Sins

I wonder when i will be able to
Sit down on the parapet and just stare outside
At the wind in the leaves and the dew on the grass
That outside make merry

I wonder when i will be able to
go out and look at the moon and the stars above
And stare at the sun full right in the eye
And come out of this cage

For even in this stifling blanket
I can feel the spray and the mist
Of the freshness and beauty and wonder omipresent
in nature and in this life God's gift.

Oh dream do I of that elusive day
When i sit down and so does she
naked on the grass outside
with nothing else to feel to see

And make merry in the flowing breeze
And harvest happinesss in the fertile fields
And milk the many cows of our shed
While the children play in the trees

But alas thus seems not my fate
Doomed am i in these closed walls
Far of yet(or maybe never) is my escape
And till then i must rot
For the payment of my sins

'Tis as if life's sending me a message. She's beautiful but sad. Moreover she is elusive-almost as if mocking me for losing something so precious...'

A Cradle of Joy

Oh isn’t it heavenly

To just lie around doing nothing

To open the door each morning

And gaze out just dreaming

The freedom, the bliss

The escape from the daily prison

The useless talks and pointless discussions

The idiotic, foolish friendly missions

Often I wonder if time was meant to be

Wasted, killed and spent

On the sheer vagaries

of a life well misspent

And strengthened is my belief

When I see people working

And sweating profusely just to

Get 5 minutes for breathing

And my mind wonders

Why not just breathe

Why not just stop the labour

Why not just be

Oh darn you people

I do not preach

My life is mine not yours

I feel and hence speak

Counsel not I idleness

For that I detest

But what I ask for

Is a pure and complete recess

A time without work

A time without worries

A time without tension

And the days hurrys

A time to lie down

A time to look back

And froth and decide

To just pause take a nap

Oh life was meant fellow beings

To be a cradle of joy

A bundle of happiness

A time to enjoy

But we have made it hell

And burdened our own selves

With pressures and stresses

Of worthless things and sadness as well

Take a deep breath

Go out and enjoy

And the world will be your oyster my boy

And a cradle of joy!

Ab this is a slight departure from generally senti wenti poems... But i felt that the blog needed something like this too. And more importantly I needed something like this too!

Yesterday i was sitting idle after like 2 weeks. What with hockey practices, lawn tennis practices, parliamentary s, arbit dancing and not to mention 8-5 college I had absolutely no time to sit down and chill... Yesterday jab sab kuch khatam ho gaya toh i just sat down in my room with music on at full volume... Just sat doing nothing. And tabhi i was struck with the intuition to write. And the result is in front of you.

Acccording to my friend Sabu it sounds like a typical "Class 5th English Reader poem"! Well thanks man... I feel delighted that i can still write for children. I have always loved childhood... and being linked with it gives me great joy!

Moreover I think this poem applies to my blog(and hence my feelings) too... Off late I have been too emotionally an dphysically stressed out. that's why my blog reflects emotional, heavy duty poems.
So its time for something which is cool, relaxing.... and a cradle of joy!!!

:)

Anant Vidur Puri

Loveless love...

What use the art not seen
What use the incense not lit
What use the rose not gifted
What use the emotions not revealed

What use your love he cannot feel
What use the heartbeats he cannot here
What use the eyes he cannot sink into
What use your smile which cannot him please

When love was struck it gave you pleasure
What right you have to deny him of it
He was and is the reason you currently smile
then why hide this gratitude from him?

What love is it which fears acceptance
What love that hesitates to bear shape
Oh worst he'll give your heart back
To give it to someone some other day...

Better that not? Than keeping a debt
Which might never be repaid
Oh hark me innocent angel
Go out and say...I love you!!!

Lol... that's all i can think of saying right now. I wrote this one for my sweet friend Vitty. She has this bigtime crush on a guy but hesitates to tell him. She is happy crying over him but can never muster the courage to confront him... In fact, apparently he even knows that she likes him. Still Vitty can't get herself to face him... poor girl!

Anyways this thought sorta moved me. I mean there are so many things we want to do... we REALLY want to do, but we don't do simply because we can't face the reality. I mean Vitty's case is a special one, but how many times we want to try out something new, or do something we often dream of, yet don't because we can't be brave enough... I mean if you are bold enought to think of something, be brave enough to do it too... That's what Being brave enough to dream means...
So next time you get a gut feeling to try something new... go ahead guys(and gals!)... have faith in your dreams..... :)

P.S. The title may have struck you to be inapt but it works like this...
Love does not come into its full form until it is returned... I mean i feel there is a limit to which you can love without back or at least acknowledged. And a love which has no returning love is like a solitary traveller in a desert.... :)

The Choice...

Sweet pleasure do i derive?
Or is this the pricking pang of repentance?
On he goes and on do i
But the aims are nowhere common in sense.

While he delves into vectors and forces
My mind runs free in fields and valleys
While he glares around from above his pince-nez
I gaze dreamily into space

In my mind is the image of that utopia
of fun and frolic, of creative and innovative pursuit
Of feelings brimming over, of emotions unchained
While he is lost in the relativity of frames....

I look forward to love and to dream the sweet sensations of that pure bliss
I look towards a new world, a new insight, a better way
He has a hearth to light, a home to hold
He has no time for shit

Once he too was an innocent angel
A free bird, an unchained soldier
And chased his dreams did he with vengeance
Achieved glory-of what i dream- somewhat same in sense

He brought a bride, she carried his child
He lived his dreams, people dreamt his life
He professed his profession and awe he struck
But then she came... and then she struck.

The glory was short lived, the awe died infant
And harsh practicality pulled him down
The bride brewed, he had to manage the brood
And his castle was raised to the ground

His teachings they respected but respected him not
His services they wanted but they served him not
They both thought they were being cheated
Though nowhere same in sense

For a brief break immersed he in his work
And restarted the search for love and longing
but love is pure, longing is sure
And in both he was lacking

Today he looked over his pince nez
He saw him going the same way
He flayed him and punished him for his heart reached out
Please oh please... Rules don't you flout

But the feelings are strong, stronger their pleasure
So what if one day it has to end
The end is there and always bitter so what harm
if i make the journey sweet for myself

For time well spent is a treasure earnt
It serves you well even when it is spent
And twinkle can it bring back to the worn out dry eye
which has for long been tear bedimmed.

And so Oh friends go on run free
Be yourself what you want to be
Hold yourself not back for you might just lose
the best time of this death.





I wrote this one in my AML(One of the toughest courses in IIT!) 110 Tutorial class(IITians will know what i am talking about). I was gazing out of the window when my partner nudged me and i saw the prof looking at me. The look he gave me then almost spoke these words out to me(I was probably helped by my own innate desire of becomng a professor and teaching) and I immediately started writing the poem(He must have been surprised by this sudden burst of sincerity for he obviously couldn't see exactly what i was writing!!!).

I firmly believe that teaching is the most noble profession in the world(well maybe second to Medicine!). But the money and respect that the Indian society gives to them is nowhere near what they deserve...

A young Ph.D student hardly cares for money as at that time he is too busy in his work and research. But later when he is ready to settle down, when teaching the same drab material over and over again has him tired out, when he can no longer innovate like he did as a young student, when he(Girls i mean no disrespect to your prowess to teach. After all majority of the school teachers are females. But unfortunately I haven't seeen many girls around in IIT Delhi. So really tend to think in the masculine form) feels his pocket pinch in trying to give his family a decent life is when he becomes the stereotypical irritated sadist prof that we are so familliar with.

Still I feel it is much better to chase your dreams and be depressed when you wake up, rather than not dreaming at all!

So Near and Yet so Far

Why does the bubble always burst

Why does the sun always go down

Why does my heart’s deepst desire remain so

Always in the end.

Why is the world favourable to some

And doesn’t give a shit for the rest

Why do I sometimes feel they have it all

While I just cannot pass the test

Oh alas for my woeful wondering

Alas that I thought of capability

For now I know that I fare but nought

In this sea of acceptability

Oh yes my heart reaches out to me

And I feel for the first time to cry

And breaks the pride I kept so long

Of being happy in being I

For all I dreamt has remained a dream

My thoughts, ideas have betrayed me

Lost have I my treasured possessions

And they now reach out to all but me

I am good but never enough

I am there yet not here

I finish the journey but do not reach the destine

Why oh why I often despair

And I sink down into my reverie

My despondence my solitude... you may even call it self pity

But I feel now what I always knew

For its so near, and yet so far.